The 3 P's

Most often, this blog deals the bigger issues that relate one's personality to their professional development. Today, we will work in much more direct terms. As a Career Coach, I am often asked for the silver bullet methods for success that one can implement in their climb to professional nirvana. It changes based on variable factors but I can suggest the following:
Preparation
Purpose
Personal Attention

The 3 P's are a excellent method in differentiating a truly successful company from the pretenders. They are also a turn-key to good professional habits. It is important to conduct oneself in a professionally graceful manner. Follow the 3 P's......

Preparation
Do you get freaked out when someone you meet for the first time knows the college you attended, your favorite sports team or your past employers? Did you ever consider that this is information you have made readily available? Why wouldn't you be flattered if someone took a personal interest in you.

A 2 minute google search can tell you a lot about a person. Understand the common language that correlates to a person's lifestyle and work it into conversation. It's a great way to establish rapport and common interest.

The look of surprise is one of flattery not alienation.

Purpose
Common purpose creates a company identity that cultivates an organizational culture. A logo represents a professional ethos shared by everyone who humanizes a brand.

No two people are perfectly alike but let's consider a football analogy. The path to victory is driven by a style of playing the game and directives for success. Business is no different: every company has core values, every department has business critical goals. Professionals should be able to recite their company's core values and the top 3 directives of their business group. Purpose is driven by common goals and a style for achieving success.

Personal Attention
Can you commit to responding to every email/voicemail within 3 hours? I bet you can. Even if you do not have a perfect answer, you can at least lay out a plan of action or report that the process is under way. People love to know that they can ping someone and that person is reliable to the extent that any given task will be addressed in short time. Your boss loves it, your customers love it, your wife loves it.

Implement a 3 hour turnaround time!

In summation:
1. Google every person you meet
2. Believe in what you do (or do something else)
3. Implement a 3 hour turn around time

Don't sweat the small stuff but always remember the little things!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

i-consider

You will find success when you learn to say "I" less!

A while back a team of several people presented a major proposal to a large corporation. In debriefing, our team lead went on and on about what she did to impress the client. She continually said "I did a really great job showing them....I told them exactly....blaw, blaw, blaw...". We won the deal and at some point our team lead was promoted. Proof that God does not understand the corporate world. In the court of the opinion of her peers the damage was done. Months of preparation by several people was reduced to an insecure young lady trying to prove herself worthy of a seat at the table with the big boys. The rest of us just wanted to put together a great strategy for our client. We went on working with the corporation we presented to and warned them with the aforementioned team lead was coming to town. While she attempted to impress them with another powerpoint we texted each other from across the table with eyes rolling. When the client (now our friends) laughed at my texts the team lead thought they were smiling with astonishment of her professionalism. What a Dum Dum!

I must admit that there are times when I have acted out of character professionally. I went out of my way to prove myself worthy of greater responsibility. I had side bar conversations with Senior Managers bringing to their attention my latest contributions. I look back on that point of my career with disdain. I simply didn't understand the image I was projecting. I was too naive to recognize my selfishness. My bravado projected insecurity.....not confidence. Over time, I grew up.

We all have milestones in our personal development. This is actually a critical part of our professional development. For some it comes from losing a big deal, others lose a job, and there are those who learn from winning. For me, the transition was very subtle. I saw people acting the way I had and I came to understand the inelegance of my former self.

There are 3 things to consider in consideration of others:
Stop saying "I"
Be humble in victory and accountable in defeat
Learn to blow off the unimportant

There is no "I" in R.e.s.p.e.c.t
I once worked with a man who was unable to delegate. He felt out-of-control if he passed anything along to his "lesser" colleagues. He really cared a lot....but he came off as mistrusting. As if to say, you are going to screw this up, so I'll work twice as hard. We heard the story of the team lead who took credit for her team's hard work. I told you of my shameless self-promotion. All of these people are well-intentioned but terribly presented. We often get so focused on the final score that we neglect the style in which we play the game.

Your boss will fire you tomorrow if someone better comes along. The company you work for could close their doors tomorrow. You will, however, always have a reputation among your peers. Your peers are the people who you see in the grocery store and at the kid's soccer games. When you lose your job, you will most likely look to your peers for support. The same people you see on the way up, you will see on the way down.

The Humility of Accountability
I love hearing post-game interviews with players who compliment their team. Interviews are stupid...we all saw the game, we know what happened. So those who take their moment on TV to compliment their peers are admirable. No one enjoys someone who brags when they win, no one wants to hear excuses from those who have lost.

It is best to be Humble in victory and Accountable in defeat.

Ignore It...
I remember being really upset about something incredibly unimportant. Someone had let the team down and had tried to pass the blame on others. Nothing upsets me more than lack of accountability masked in unilateral communication. After complaining like a little girl for 10 minutes, I asked my boss how he was able to endure such incompetence day in and day out. To which he replied, "I ignore it"!

From that point on, I learned not to take the mundane elements too seriously. I learned that everyone knows when the ball is dropped and attempting to save face is a natural human reaction. I learned to give people the benefit of the doubt when they fail and they will do the same for you. Yes, you too will fail!

No one is perfect yet we all need to approach life with the proper degree of confidence. We cannot go through each day second guessing ourselves. We have to make decisions and be confident in them....and when we fail we have to own it. A whole bunch of talk does not make one confident but the inability to express oneself is worse. We have to learn to pick our battles and to always present ourselves in a nature that is respected by others.

Years from now the team lead I mentioned above will deliver a pizza to my house....and because I'm a nice guy, I will tip her an extra buck. It is in those moments that the selfishness of poor personal promotion comes back to haunt us. In fact, the best personal promotion is no personal promotion.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave       

Still Thankful?

Well Friends - Thanksgiving has come and gone. Football played, turkey devoured, adult beverages consumed. A week's preparation for a week's clean up. This year I had the pleasure of uniting three generations of Kovacovich's in the beautiful ocean side location of Carmel by the Sea (in California). Between trips to the beach with 11 of the worlds greatest people, I fired up the Twitter back-channel. It was run amok with glad tidings from one cyber friend to another. There were blog posts, hashtags and charitable splash pages....all messages of thanks from one human to another for a year well served.

...on Friday, it was gone!

#thankful was replaced by #blackfriday. Stories of families breaking bread were replaced with pepper spray melees at the local Walmart. Thanks had given way to disagreements again. The spirit of the holiday faded quickly. Today, people are boarding their cars with furrowed brows hesitant to open their over-crowded inboxes. Have we reduced ourselves to one day a year to say Thank You?

We will spend the next few months rushing through stores buying things for people. A way to express our gratitude. "I spent money on you, so I must care"! Office desks will be crowded with wine we won't drink and chocolates that will weigh us down. We spend, consume, and pretend to care; in hopes that it might serve our personal gain.

My friend Pete shared a story of his need for brain surgery this last weekend. My friend Ralph lost his battle to cancer just a week before Thanksgiving. These are real stories that are happening to us every day. I am not willing to believe that we have lost our ability to make human connections at work. We cannot
ignore vulnerability in our co-workers for fear it will create more work.

Are you creating memorable experiences? Are you fostering meaningful relationships? Do you possess the ability to make others feel special?

Yes! You Do!

People need help....and YOU are going to help them. Here's how:
Lead by example
Be a good listener
Put dedicated thought into your Thank You's

If not you, then who?
Sometimes our advice to others is met with reluctance. We feel that we will offer words of encouragement and they will be rejected. What's the use?

People are more willing to accept advising from those who practice what they preach.
Take care of yourself....exercise, eat right and disengage in harmful habits.
Work hard....show up early, work late and be responsive.
Have a plan....short and long term planning allows for clarity of purpose and a fall back plan.

Two ears and one mouth
No one has an answer for everything. If they do, they are simply playing semantics. No one enjoys talking to someone who has a retort to every word spoken. We need to learn to listen more than we talk. We need to be able to take in information and give relevant feedback. Sometimes people just need to get things off their chest. Sometimes people need to be told in direct terms that their actions are inelegant.

Put away the cookie cutters
Now that Thanksgiving is over, you can put away the cookie cutters. It is the time of year when holiday cards come pouring in: Do you have better appreciation for a hand written note or a mass produced stock message? Cookie cutter thank you's serve the direct opposite purpose of their intended gratitude.

The greatest moments you will experience at work will have one thing in common: a lot of thought was put in to creating a meaningful experience. The best gifts you have received have been profoundly meaningful to you because someone took time to know you, researched, and made extra effort to give you something that was irreplaceable. This needs to be part of our every day!

We need to put thought into the experiences we create for our co-workers. Our co-workers need to become our friends.

It Can Happen!

If you put thought and extra effort into everything you do for others you will be looked upon favorably. When people respect you they will always listen to your advice. We will all grow together!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

The Crime of Emotion

Much has been made of the post game spat between two football coaches this last weekend. Jim Schwartz felt disrespected because Jim Harbaugh shook his hand with too much force after the game. I am from Michigan and I hate the 49ers, so it would be my natural inclination to side with Coach Schwartz - not in this case.

The term sportsmanship is like the omni-present company Core Value of Integrity. Both are high and mighty terms that govern behavior to the most gradiose court. As if to say it is esstential to consider the tradition of the sport/business when any decision is made or action takes place. Give Me a Break!

Jim Schwartz was not upset because the integrity of the coaching hierarchy was corrupted - he was upset because he lost. It may not have been in good taste for Coach Harbaugh to jump up and down like a school girl when he won - but can you blame him for his inability to hide his excitement? Both guys are in leadership positions on team's that used to suck and are now good. These teams are good because their leaders have asked more of their teams and have proven they were willing to put the work in with them. Proving the old addage that hard work pays off!

It's pretty simple: You Should Be Humble in Victory and Accountable in Defeat

Today talk radio shows will have jammed phones occupied by people who never played football eager to weigh in with their opinion of the coaches confrontation. Beyond the actions of these individuals in this particular post-game fracas, there are lessons in
personal integrity to ponder:
1. Celebration Is Not An Act of Disrespect!
2. Losing is an Unfotunate Part of Life!
3. Own Your Actions!

Get Some
I coach a soccer team of 6 year olds - we are very good! When I see these young people take what is being taught and apply it, my purpose on this earth is further validated. Am I a jerk for celebrating the achievement of these wonderful little people? Is it bad that I can't help throwing my hands up in encouragement for my place in this world and the legacy I have been lucky enough to be part of? Other coaches will occasionally look over at me with disappointment - they are disappointed that they are losing.

It is not arrogant to celebrate....it is an acknowledgement of our human existence. When the emotion turns off, your life is put on pause. Don't be afraid to celebrate because the other guy doesn't have what you earned!

Losing Sucks
No person has ever won every competition they ever entered. Even The Great Cael Sanderson must have come up short in a spelling bee somewhere along the line. It is bitterly unfortunate, but losing is part of life. I love nothing more than winning, but I have learned a great deal more from my losses. In order to elevate yourself as a person and a professional, you have to try things that may be beyond your perceived skill set. When you bump yourself up a level you stand to lose. Better to get on the elevator than to stay on the first floor.

If you are willing to try everything you stand to learn a lot. If you wish to try nothing at the risk of failure you may never lose....or learn anything.

Accountability
...another ominous core value...this one slightly more applicable.

The aforementioned coaches eventually owned their actions stating that they got caught up in the competitive moment. I am always disappointed when a public figure cannot be honest in light of their actions. If Tiger Woods held a press conference admitting that he lived his life in a bubble and lost control of his discipline when his father died, do you think he would have been more easily forgiven? The hardest thing to do is own your actions. There is hope to benefit from in unfortunate results if you can simply admit you are not perfect. It's also the right thing to do!

When the game is over you might see the other coach at the grocery store, on the playground or at church. Will you be looked upon favorably when no one else is watching? If you lose a deal and are graceful in defeat, that prospect will leave their door open for you. If someone betrays your trust, and you give them another chance, you allow them an opportunity to benefit from a loss.

Let's save accountability and integrity for tax season and the jury at the pearly gates. Until then, just try to do the right thing!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Get Grounded

I had a great little getaway to the coast with the family this weekend. I told a friend about it this morning and he said - "wow, I want to see pictures". I didn't have any. I almost felt defensive that my description of the Central California Coast did not quench his intrigue. His defacto response may have been a way to avoid conversation...if I had emailed him a photo album he could breeze through it and interpret for himself if he would ever visit. This is a sign of the times....send me something, I'll look it over, and we can discuss later if I see anything worth talking about.

He to whom I told of my vacation aside, the traveler himself can get caught up in a need for documentation. People tweet their activities from poolside in Hawaii, they compile unlimited photos to prove they had fun on the family vacation, they load the facebook page with visual proof that they are enjoying life....and you are not! Yes, it may be said that our need for documentation is not in memorial of a joyous time but justification of the money spent to put smiles on our faces.

Think about the greatest times in your life. Do you have pictures of them or are the memories permanently ingrained in your mind?

The immediacy of technology has destroyed our ability to enjoy ourselves! We take time away from our loved ones to put our head in our phone. We miss irreplaceable moments with our children because we are busy texting about them.

I would challenge that we need to get grounded!

We need to put away the handheld and participate in our life's memories. We need to get away from the lap top and truly enjoy a little time off. We need to stop taking vacations for the sake of visual content.

Three Bigger Questions:
Are you engaging in meaningful conversation?
Do you know how to craft a story?
Have you taken time to say I Love You?

It's Great to Hear Your Voice
How often do messages get misinterpreted via email or in social media forums. Words can be taken out of context, we say things hiding behind a computer that we wouldn't say to someone's face, our emotions get the best of us. Unfortunately, the Internet is written in ink. We can never take back what is documented.

We have gotten to the point that it is more convenient to email a customer and wait until tomorrow to address the real issue...that doesn't make it go away. When a co-worker has had a long day, it is very difficult to feel their troubles through a computer screen.

Good old conversation is the only way to ensure we are making communicative progress. It's never easy to confront the elephant in the room but elephant's eat the notes that you try to leave at their feet!

Story Telling
Peter Guber has received great accolades for his book Tell To Win. The general premise is that people have a better grasp for products and services when told to them in dramatic terms. I will always remember your presentation if you deliver it in the context of a personal experience that makes sense to me.

Drama aside, a lot of us simply have lost our ability to talk to people. After a day at the computer, we spew words at people without considering the setting in which our story takes place. Every day, I hear people talking to one another in insulting terms (even though they have good intentions).

Stop being defensive, stop pretending you know everything, and step out of your digital sanctuary.

I & Love & You
The Avett Brothers once proclaimed in song that the three words that are hardest to say are: I & Love & You! Ain't that the truth! Nowadays if we really need to tell someone we love them we can send them an email or write a cheesy facebook tribute. This way we get the emotion out of the way without truly having to engage in it.

As hard as it may be you need to hug your Mom, grab her by the cheeks, and tell her you love her! It might get weird for a minute but these are the things that genuinely matter!

The question that looms like a cheap chandelier:
Has Convenience Replaced All That Is Sacred?

Can we not visit the beach without taking a picture of the sunset. Can we not watch our children play without sharing the image with the world. Have we forgotten how to Love because it always requires editing?

Social Media rules! God bless Steve Jobs for giving us the I-phone! Thank goodness computers have helped us achieve more in less time!

More important than all of it, are the people we walk past every day....neglecting to say hi because we are texting them from across the room.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

We Shall Overcome

No one can ignore that times are tough. The economy is struggling, the job market is dry, and many companies are in survival mode. I was recently asked by an undergrad what differentiates great professionals from general contributors....

My answer: The Ability to Overcome Adversity!

The morning news is full of doom and gloom and our bar stool buddies don't always speak with optimism. Those who have endured our economic decline have something in common: they have figured out how to take what is coming and make it work. There is no schooling or certification that will help you understand the best way to handle adversity. It comes down to challenging yourself to see the forest through the trees.

Here are 3 ways to endure troubled times:
Pick Your Battles
Find the Silver Lining
Don't Ignore The Elephant 

...the forest through the trees
We are a prideful herd. We want to win. We put a lot of effort into things and when our work is challenged, it offends us. I once spent 30 minutes on the phone with a person who took that time to explain to me that she did not have 30 minutes to complete her portion of a project. Our pride often overwhelms our ability to get things done. We often do not wish to participate if we feel there is not a gold star in it for us. We want our work and our ideas validated and rewarded. We want to follow an intent that matches our personal desire.

Simple fix: with everything you do, understand what it means to your personal purpose. Sometimes you just have to take action to cross an item off the list. Standing your ground is essential to your personal integrity but don't waste your personal stand on report processing. Choose your battles wisely.

To Nod without Agreeing
People will get upset and will wish to be herd. Sometimes if you listen and let them get it off their chest it helps them move on with their day. You don't have to agree with people to hear them out. Nor do you need to oppose people's viewpoint...they seek empathy to help overcome their personal strife.

It is much easier to be negative than positive. It is much easier to sit on the sidelines than to be in the game. This is why certain people complain at happy hour but dare not voice a concern in a team meeting. It's work, there are a lot of stupid tasks that confront us....complaining about the 'to do' list only makes it longer.

Cutting Corners Around in Circles
Integrity is a core value of every organization. We roll our eyes and say - "yea right"! But every person is faced with decision making. These decisions are critical to our lasting impression on this earth. Sometimes you have to acknowledge oversights and short comings. Sometimes you have to admit you are wrong.

Great leaders make hard decisions and deliver bad news. Challenges only get more difficult if you choose to ignore them.

I'm sure the aforementioned advice seems almost infantile. But, we cannot allow the mundane to distract our mission.

Frustration is a choice made in reaction to a challenge. Always seek a solution instead of finding a way to pass blame. We can meet each day with a smile or a furrowed brow. If you allow others to determine your goals you will always be miserable. Get out in front of it and determine your own destiny.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave       

Do You Validate?

Another class of students have completed Dale Carnegie's Human Relations Training. A class in which I am lucky enough to be a graduate assistant. I always ask the graduates what their key take away will be. To my surprise, one of the more astute students returned the question.

It's been a while since a student asked something about me.

My reply: I Have Learned to Listen More Than I Talk!

Blogging, writing, and social media citizenship for me has been an exercise in presenting my experience by invitation. As if to say, the reader can unlock my opinion if they so choose....or turn the channel.

It took a Human Relations degree for me to learn to be more aware of my audience. Back in the day, if you extended a salutation, it was returned with a bravado filled monologue. I would tell you how great I was, how everyone else was falling short, and then dart off in the other direction. I was inconsiderate of the opinions of others, conversations were one sided, and a passive greeting was met with a direct (uninvited) fit. This was a time of indecision for me. Instead of benefiting from the input of others, I showcased my indecision. I tried to make sense of my jumbled thoughts by vocalizing them. I was throwing words into a black hole. I was trying to make progress by avoiding what I needed ~ new ideas.

What An Annoying Ass I Was!

Dale Carnegie's 16th Principle to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

Early in my career someone told me: Selling is Telling! It is actually the opposite. The best salespeople are great listeners. They know how to take in a prospective customer's goals and differentiate them through their solution. When a person grandstands without asking what you need they invalidate their existence.

Dale Carnegie's 28th Principle to Be A Leader:
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

During our course, we have dispelled the assumed principles of Leadership. We have learned that the best leaders are not overtly assertive or commandingly direct. In fact, a ironic skill set of a leader can be vulnerability.

This is where a divine truth reveals itself:
Many Assumed Traits of Leadership are actually Revelations of Insecurity

I overheard a young lady on a conference call the other day. She was using framed language "...we either manage up, or manage out..." - she was trying to sound smart. Translation: I speak confidently so I must be confident. She wanted to be heard not because she wanted to help but because she wanted to be accepted.

Who Cares?

....that's the question you need to ask yourself. Why do you care about asserting yourself in such a fashion. Are you acting for the betterment of the team, or are you simply looking for validation?

I was a person that vomited bravado not because I had anything to share but because I wanted to know that what I was saying made sense. I'm not sure why I didn't ask for advice instead of pretending to know everything.

You will not receive honest feedback from anyone if you hit them over the head with aggressive conversation.

Here's what they are thinking: "dude, I just asked how you were doing....you could have just said fine and continued to the copy room...I've actually got work to do and I don't really care about your misery".

This person might actually be able to help if you asked for their help instead of pretending you didn't need it.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Determination Interpretation

I live an interesting dual existence:
One Part: Creative
One Part: Competitive
~ This can be a dangerous combination!

As I grow older I find the competitive side giving up ground to the compromise of mutual acceptance. I look back on some of my competitive behavior with shame....because my motivation was flawed. Yes friends, your humble narrator used to be a royal pain in the ass! As a young upstart, I was impatient and only out for myself. My self-motivation was transparent, I only cared about winning, and I didn't care who I flattened in the process. This blatant determination works when you are a High School Wrestler. Such vigorous determination from a 35 year old reveals insecurity.

I have learned to be more collaborative in my business process. This makes for a much happier professional existence. In fact, most of the things that our inherent competitive spirit evokes are unimportant in the big picture. If you are up 5 runs and you yell at the 3rd baseman for missing a throw....your energy might be misplaced. Likewise, if you thump your overworked, underpaid, support staff every time they make an oversight.....you are probably coming off like an asshole!

With all of this said, there is a continued need to be assertive. The question: how can we be assertive without being insensitive?

Here's a few tips I have learned at my own expense:
Keep the GOAL in Mind
Diffuse Personalities
WIN Together

Details, details, details.....
I know so many people who are brilliant at what they do because of their attention to detail. This trait also makes them terrible communicators. If when asked a question you immerse your audience in the detail they will fall asleep.

You have to think bigger picture and simplfy your narration in a language your audience can understand.

Baggage
We label each other...

Like it or not, when Jane walks into your office you have a preconceived notion of what she will bring to your attention. You cannot let this prejudice steer the conversation before it happens.

Allow the subject matter to drive the task at hand, find the path to the result, and assign Jane an empowering role. It is often hard to release the reigns but people cannot grow if you do not allow them to help!

Without a Loser
You can win without beating someone else into oblivion. I have been a big fan of individual sports (skateboarding, wrestling, boxing) because of the overt personal accountability involved. If you lose, you lose, and everyone knows. This doesn't work in business.

No man (woman) is an island, you cannot do it alone, and there doesn't have to be a loser in every competition.

My life got a lot better when I learned to give more than I was taking. To talk less and listen more. To put my ego aside and help others win.

I teach people these traits and fail at practicing them myself. Such is life!

The key is to know where to put your energy. You can have a determined focus on creating a unique solution. You can eliminate competition and present trophies to everyone.

If you cross the finish line, and no one notices, do you really win?

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Trustworthy

Last week we pondered the question:
What if you didn't need to be validated?

Today we will take this concept a step further:
What is the purpose behind your effort?

Do you perform on the job for the sake of promotion, to be granted more responsibility, or just to make more money?

Is your intent genuine? Are your motives transparent?

Leadership has transformed in recent years....no longer is it about what you make but how much you can give away. Marc Benioff, Tony Hsieh, Keith Ferazzi, and Blake Mycoskie have lead a philanthropic charge to share their wealth.

Last week we also talked about the assumptive characteristics of a leader: direct, out-spoken, and always in the public eye. These characteristics are changing as well. I was shocked to see the principle of 'vulnerability' listed in Keith Ferrazzi's book, 'Whose Got Your Back'. Keith explains that in order to have a genuine path for improvement we have to be willing to divulge our human propensity to make mistakes from time to time. The Jack Welsh 'keep your guard up' leadership ethos replaced by Keith's 'let your guard down' pathos.

First thing I hear this Monday morning is a 'manager' confronting her employee about the metrics of her job description. What a way to start the week. Another example of how the system has trumped the need for thought leadership. Without trust there can be no leadership and default managers cannot trust because they fear their vulnerability will be exposed....they choose to keep their guard up.

Last week I issued the challenge to endure a whole day without complaining. Today, I ask that you try to take on your professional relationships without criticism. Try to see your employees, co-workers, and customers as people...to trust them and to be empathetic of their life's challenges.

Here is a pretty good certainty: The challenges you face at work this week will not mean a thing a year from now. So why allow them to hang you up.

Live, Trust and Thrive!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Being Human

Cast:
* A young lady at one of my favorite establishments has a problem. She is inelegant in her communication.
* A fellow I know is so linear in his thinking that he cannot seem to form a direct sentence.
* A guy who manages one of my favorite watering holes is constantly indirectly offending people.
* My friend is hyper-focused on his goals, but when he explains them, his intensity presents negativity.
* Every time I ask a co-worker for something, he explains to me why it's not his fault.

Do you struggle to find the right things to say?
Do you have trouble articulating your point with out footnoting every thought?
Do you lean on catch phrases to transition thought?

The mastery of Communication is the most difficult Human characteristic. There is no such thing as communication expertise. Public Speaking, Negotiation, and Conflict Resolution are all points of emphasis in Communication courses. You have to walk before you can run.

We often fail in pursuit of Elegant Communication because we concentrate on all the wrong things. If you give great speeches, but cannot hold a conversation, you are putting the cart before the horse!

Let's start from the beginning by remember a few very simple Human Interaction techniques:
Eliminate A, Um, So, and Ya Know
Stop framing your language
Be direct
Honor Silence

Ummm, Ummm, Ummm
It's conference season where we will listen to hundreds of well-intentioned speakers. The content is what draws us in, the delivery is what redirects us to the exit.

I make a practice of counting ummms. I once saw a man tally 520 umms in a 45 minute speech. True Story! Ummm is a verbalized thought segue way. Between thoughts it is natural to grasp for a thought stop gap. Keep it to yourself.

You can replace ummm with a tap of your foot or a second of silence between thoughts. Ummmm's happen in meetings, on conference calls, in speeches, in interviews, and while you are trying to pick up chicks. No matter how good your content....if you ummm you destroy your credibility.

At the end of the day.....
Here are a collection of uninventive phrases that serve as lazy thought transitions:
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Throw me under the bus

These phrases are usually used by people who are well rehearsed in their language delivery.....and that's not always a good thing. People lose interest in these fast talking techniques because they convey that you are trying to establish credibility without earning it....and that's never a good thing.

Slow down your delivery, listen and treat every conversation as a unique entity. If you replicate the same mission statement to everyone you meet, you will be consistently cast away as inauthentic. Your conversation should be rooted in thought and unique to each individual you engage.

Think in Bullet Point
I know a guy who is of superior intelligence. He can program network continuity that can make any system simple to use. The programming process is extremely detailed. His inherent programming traits work on computers but not on people. His conversation starts with a point in mind and trails off into mundane detail. Programming is about exploring all possible conclusions, conversation is not. In communication you have to make a choice, make a point, and allow it to resonate.

Golden Silence
I was in a meeting with a Young Lady a few days back. She was determined to impress us. She did not stop talking the entire meeting. She did not allow us to ask questions, give feedback or interact. It was a one way street to 'not hired'.

There seems to be a human condition to fill space...a feeling that all silence is uncomfortable. In fact, many people like to digest information and think through their response before opening their mouth. Of course, no one likes a dead beat and sometimes you have to carry a conversation. But, you are far better served listening than talking...that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth.

Mastering Communication is an ongoing process. No one is a perfect communicator. If you start by focusing on the simple things on a small stage you can hone your skills and up your game when the chips are down.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Why I Love My Wife

It's the 150th edition of DFTR and it would only be fitting to dedicate it to my sweetie.

The 3rd Principle of Awesomeness is:
Ease Your Way In

My wife knows the elegance of this principle. When I met her she allowed me to be myself and was to me completely true to herself. She didn't try to be someone she was not and she did not overtly try to be the 'fun girl'. She eased her way in and allowed me time to get to know her.

We can learn a lot from those we love!

Do you pretend to be someone you are not?
Do you dress, act or adjust your tact to be 'professional'?
Is the person you present at work unlike your genuine self?

Last week we revealed a pretty simple secret:
The Pretenders are Always Discovered

Why is it that we think we have to put up a facade? I understand the aspects of professional demeanor...consider your audience, do your best to control your temper, channel your passion to the positive, and try to think objectively. Beyond that you are crossing a line from respectful to kiss ass...this creates a counter-effect.

Here are a couple tips that might assist you in being Genuine to Yourself:
* Don't Fold Your Hands and Smile
* Don't Tout Your Achievements
* Develop a Personal Connection
* Don't Try to Kiss an Alligator

Nose Wipe
A person's true character is revealed when they are talking to their constituent with the least amount of power. If you insult your underlings you are abusing power you do not possess!

Displaying behavior inauthentic to your true self is fatal to your character. Once you are identified as the guy/girl who is full of sh*t - you never get off that list.

If that shirt is uncomfortable - don't wear it!
If you don't respect someone - don't pretend you do!
Do what you are really good at - don't pretend to be good at what you are not!

I'm Still Here
We examined the 'look at me' syndrome last week. I cannot stress enough the importance of eliminating this bravado driven act of selfishness. You don't have to talk about your work before or after you perform it. Let the scoreboard speak for itself.

If you have worked hard...we will take notice. If you have tried and failed...we will forget. If you talk in the lobby bar about what you did right or wrong...you tarnish your effort!

It is better to keep your mouth shut and let the results exercise themselves than to add a soundtrack to the game. I understand this is easier said than done.

Allow it to come to you
Don't you think the CEO gets sick of having his/her ass kissed? It may stand to reason that they respect their children more than anyone they work with because the kids see through their presumed authoritative profile. Accordingly, Senior Leaders have an acute ability to smell BS from a mile away!

Here's a recommendation: Don't come up to the CEO after 4 vodka tonics and explain your 'plan' to her. Relax, be present and allow her to engage you in conversation. Odds are that by burying the front end bravado and treating them as your equal they will be immediately endeared to your character.

...which brings us to our next point
I was in a conference hall filled with 1,200 sales reps a minute before our release from conference to Happy Hour when our CEO told the group:
"...and to all of you young up-starts that are headed to the bar, if you remember anything let it be this:
If you try to kiss an alligator you will get your head bitten off".

That one stuck with me!

For some reason Senior Executives remember (and never forget) the little things. Ten thousand hours of hard work can be replaced by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Executives are so seldom down on 'our level' and that minute they see you taking a break may be the only thing they affiliate to your name. Unfair but very, very pertinent!

Great ideas with a Martini sidecar put you in the personal memory bank of 'glass ceiling polisher'.

So, after my to-be wife put up with me falling down the stairs on our first 5 dates. I decided to let her in. I would invite her to see my favorite musician perform. She accepted my invitation. She did not study the song book to sing along, she didn't even pretend to like the performer....when the lights went down and the curtain came up, she simply stepped aside and allowed me to be me!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Re: Action

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

– Winston Churchill

This quote from Sir Winston presents simple terms that address the most difficult conundrum anyone can face:
Dealing with Failure

There are 2 categories for those who have been challenged and have fallen short:
Those mired in self pity who never challenge themselves again
Those who put on a facade to present themselves as bullet proof

It's Not My Fault
Do you know someone who is consistently angry? Every day sucks because they wake up with the foresight of dread. From the minute they walk out the door they project their discontent on others so they never have to be accountable to themselves again. They use negativity to provoke others prepared to respond because they cannot stand to see another smile.

Don't allow these folks to suck you in...they are the cowards who have tried, failed and cannot bear to face disappointment again.

The Smile Guy
Do you see that person in the office that always smiles, that laughs at all your jokes, that folds his hands properly in his lap when the boss speaks (nodding in approval). I get it, sometimes you need unflappable positivity to navigate the overwhelming negativity that others will heap upon you.

It can be said, however, that those who find the positive in everything may be just as cowardly as the person who blames everyone else. If you never hold anyone accountable, odds are you will be trampled at every turn.

Don't be the Fault Deflector or the Smile Guy....find the strategic medium:
Work Hard
Develop Candid Relationships
Find the Solution

Touch All The Bases
You have to carry the weight...every day. Accept that you will quarterback every task, every day. Know that those helping you will try and fail. Be willing to be the focal point. Out work everyone: your partners, your managers, your support staff.

Be Humble in Victory and Accountable in Defeat. Never deflect blame or brag over accomplishments. Every game has a critical turn....the person who drove the victory or is responsible for the defeat knows who they are (as does everyone else).

Wake Up Call
You cannot advise someone without their respect. If someone is failing and they are continually badgered they will continually ignore advice. We all face our pivotal moments, usually a reflection of some hard words from someone who loves us dearly.

It is difficult to tell a friend they have hit their bottom. You have to have relationships within which you can tell those who are falling how to get back up in light of their ignorance to reality.

Solutions Not Excuses
Don't be the smiley guy, don't ignore misconduct with a smile, don't pretend you can wish away the inefficiency. But, stay upbeat!

You don't have to smile and laugh loud to be positive. You DO have to find a solution in everything. Save time arguing your point to prove your personal relevance and find a gateway to progress. No one cares who forgot the copies if you win the deal. Put aside the insignificant, think big picture, be adaptable, don't show your cards and accept nothing other than victory.

Let it be known that a person's character shines greatest in their moments of discontent....it is easy to smile when you are winning!

You cannot grow without failure. If you win all the time you might be selective in the challenges you accept. Break the mold, continue to develop and never compromise.

We Can Do This!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Finding Peace

I find myself getting in my own way lately. I don't mean tripping over my own feet but creating hurdles that really don't need to be there. In essence, the time and effort I put into unnecessary frustration seems to be increasing. These things have a way of snow balling.


How about you?
* Do you find yourself sidetracked by mundane detail?
* Do you say to yourself "it's not a big deal, it's the principle of the matter"?
* Do you cast stupidity upon others without knowing their plight?

Our days are a series of events that formulate our motivation (or lack thereof). If you wake up, look at your email and delineate worst case scenario....odds are your commute will be filled with 'this week is gonna suck' thoughts of distraction.

I once asked a trusted advisor how he dealt with incompetence and he said: "I choose to ignore it". At the time it seemed like a cop out....how can we help people improve if we do not hold them accountable? Answer: it's not a competition, it's a collaboration & people would rather help than to be held accountable. Indeed frustration builds up like a tornado that never leaves our own state of being. We let our emotions get the best of us, act out of character and cast ourselves into no-fun-to-be-around-ville!

Some times the best thing to do is take a breath, assess all angles and find a solution (instead of passing blame). Here are a few tips:
1. Wait before you reply.
2. Propose a solution instead of pointing a finger and passing blame.
3. Ask yourself what the ultimate conclusion might be.
4. Put something good in front of each frustration.
5. Don't cast yourself into un-fun-ville!


Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

The LED Process

It is within the context of a very annoying cartoon that my kids love that I heard the triumphant phrase, "what's gonna work?..Teamwork"! When sung by rodents the this sentiment stings the ears, but the concept in it's simple nature makes sense.

In the past I was the victim of self imposed criticism based on my inability to fulfill the expectations of others. Since then I have learned that the only expectations that matter are my own, projection is often a habit of self preservation and that everybody really just wants to be loved.

We all want to be understood, have our opinions validated and to be part of something bigger. So I ask you dear readers.....what's gonna work?

TEAMWORK

The phrase has become overused and is commonly affiliated with negotiation exercises, ropes courses and uncomfortably framed roll playing. My approach to teamwork is a little simpler:
* LISTEN
* EMPOWER
* DIRECT

Listen:
You have gathered your team in the conference room: The VP wants to see the ROI, the Director wants to ensure your process meets company branded strategy, the Manager makes every effort to protect his/her team, operations blames sales, sales blames operations and customer service is stuck in the middle.

Amid this battle of attrition is one thing: Everyone just wants to have their opinions heard, understood and adopted. As such, it would make sense to hear everyone out. It is vitally important to know your strategy and to be able to channel the opinions of others within said strategy. This is the key to Dale Carnegie's 16th Principle: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

1. Accept Input
2. Repeat their intent
3. Make a suggestion based on the greater strategy you wish to channel

They got the words out and the emotions off their chest - take the input and run with it.

Empower:
Every team has the well intentioned individual contributor that has been around for several years and knows the ins and outs of the organization. Let's call him Phil. The reason Phil has been in the same position for 12 years is because he has trouble conveying his good intentions to the point that his outspoken suggestions for organizational improvement are perceived as complaints. No one ever took a chance on Phil and as a result he is alone in a tunnel with no light on the West end. Take a chance on Phil!

You have 3 choices with those who distract progress:
* Ask probing questions to discover the true intent of their message (if any)
* Re-direct their negativity to a productive goal
* Have a heart to heart and tell them how they are perceived

Direct:
In Unzip Your Soul we concentrate on Re-direction. This is the key element to dispelling arguments, empowering input and creating positive synergy.

How to Re-direct?

Find out what moves people forward and what holds them back...play to the former.

Example: If I tell you that administrative work is drowning me from achieving my sales numbers schedule a one to one 'time management meeting' with me:
- In this meeting identify all the elements of administrative work
- Understand the time dedicated to each area
- Develop a process of delegation
- Use the remaining time to better develop a strategy to dedicate time to the important stuff

100% of the time you will discover that it is not a matter of 'too much paperwork' but a misdirected strategy!

The Benefits of the LED Process:
* Allow individuals to get their thoughts out there
* Let them know they are being listened to
* Create forward moving synergy

Final Thought: It is vitally important to know the greater organizational intent of every task. If you ask your team to do things without explaining why.....you have lost their respect!

Don't Forget to Remember!

- Dave

Http://twitter.com/davidkovacovich