Trustworthy

Last week we pondered the question:
What if you didn't need to be validated?

Today we will take this concept a step further:
What is the purpose behind your effort?

Do you perform on the job for the sake of promotion, to be granted more responsibility, or just to make more money?

Is your intent genuine? Are your motives transparent?

Leadership has transformed in recent years....no longer is it about what you make but how much you can give away. Marc Benioff, Tony Hsieh, Keith Ferazzi, and Blake Mycoskie have lead a philanthropic charge to share their wealth.

Last week we also talked about the assumptive characteristics of a leader: direct, out-spoken, and always in the public eye. These characteristics are changing as well. I was shocked to see the principle of 'vulnerability' listed in Keith Ferrazzi's book, 'Whose Got Your Back'. Keith explains that in order to have a genuine path for improvement we have to be willing to divulge our human propensity to make mistakes from time to time. The Jack Welsh 'keep your guard up' leadership ethos replaced by Keith's 'let your guard down' pathos.

First thing I hear this Monday morning is a 'manager' confronting her employee about the metrics of her job description. What a way to start the week. Another example of how the system has trumped the need for thought leadership. Without trust there can be no leadership and default managers cannot trust because they fear their vulnerability will be exposed....they choose to keep their guard up.

Last week I issued the challenge to endure a whole day without complaining. Today, I ask that you try to take on your professional relationships without criticism. Try to see your employees, co-workers, and customers as people...to trust them and to be empathetic of their life's challenges.

Here is a pretty good certainty: The challenges you face at work this week will not mean a thing a year from now. So why allow them to hang you up.

Live, Trust and Thrive!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Being Human

Cast:
* A young lady at one of my favorite establishments has a problem. She is inelegant in her communication.
* A fellow I know is so linear in his thinking that he cannot seem to form a direct sentence.
* A guy who manages one of my favorite watering holes is constantly indirectly offending people.
* My friend is hyper-focused on his goals, but when he explains them, his intensity presents negativity.
* Every time I ask a co-worker for something, he explains to me why it's not his fault.

Do you struggle to find the right things to say?
Do you have trouble articulating your point with out footnoting every thought?
Do you lean on catch phrases to transition thought?

The mastery of Communication is the most difficult Human characteristic. There is no such thing as communication expertise. Public Speaking, Negotiation, and Conflict Resolution are all points of emphasis in Communication courses. You have to walk before you can run.

We often fail in pursuit of Elegant Communication because we concentrate on all the wrong things. If you give great speeches, but cannot hold a conversation, you are putting the cart before the horse!

Let's start from the beginning by remember a few very simple Human Interaction techniques:
Eliminate A, Um, So, and Ya Know
Stop framing your language
Be direct
Honor Silence

Ummm, Ummm, Ummm
It's conference season where we will listen to hundreds of well-intentioned speakers. The content is what draws us in, the delivery is what redirects us to the exit.

I make a practice of counting ummms. I once saw a man tally 520 umms in a 45 minute speech. True Story! Ummm is a verbalized thought segue way. Between thoughts it is natural to grasp for a thought stop gap. Keep it to yourself.

You can replace ummm with a tap of your foot or a second of silence between thoughts. Ummmm's happen in meetings, on conference calls, in speeches, in interviews, and while you are trying to pick up chicks. No matter how good your content....if you ummm you destroy your credibility.

At the end of the day.....
Here are a collection of uninventive phrases that serve as lazy thought transitions:
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Throw me under the bus

These phrases are usually used by people who are well rehearsed in their language delivery.....and that's not always a good thing. People lose interest in these fast talking techniques because they convey that you are trying to establish credibility without earning it....and that's never a good thing.

Slow down your delivery, listen and treat every conversation as a unique entity. If you replicate the same mission statement to everyone you meet, you will be consistently cast away as inauthentic. Your conversation should be rooted in thought and unique to each individual you engage.

Think in Bullet Point
I know a guy who is of superior intelligence. He can program network continuity that can make any system simple to use. The programming process is extremely detailed. His inherent programming traits work on computers but not on people. His conversation starts with a point in mind and trails off into mundane detail. Programming is about exploring all possible conclusions, conversation is not. In communication you have to make a choice, make a point, and allow it to resonate.

Golden Silence
I was in a meeting with a Young Lady a few days back. She was determined to impress us. She did not stop talking the entire meeting. She did not allow us to ask questions, give feedback or interact. It was a one way street to 'not hired'.

There seems to be a human condition to fill space...a feeling that all silence is uncomfortable. In fact, many people like to digest information and think through their response before opening their mouth. Of course, no one likes a dead beat and sometimes you have to carry a conversation. But, you are far better served listening than talking...that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth.

Mastering Communication is an ongoing process. No one is a perfect communicator. If you start by focusing on the simple things on a small stage you can hone your skills and up your game when the chips are down.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

A Quick Guide to Communication

I have the pleasure of serving the Dale Carnegie Training Institute as a Graduate Assistant. We help individuals develop their human relations skills through public speaking and interpersonal communication.



There are 3 distinct hurdles to communication:
So...
..um..
Aaa...

Introduction:
When introducing a topic it is best to set a scene as if you were a narrator. Paint a picture, tell a story.

Don't start a story or speech with "so...this way, like, 3 years ago...".

Bring us into your painting and walk us through it with graceful elegance.

Body:
The need to transition from one idea to another is part of giving a speech, presentation, or simply talking on a conference call. This is called a segue way. As your thought processing shifts you will naturally say "..um or ahh...".

It is extremely difficult to self-analyze your flow of communication. In Dale Carnegie's Presentation Skill Building, we video tape speakers and help them break down their process. It is understandably painful to watch.

Not everyone has a video camera but try to become aware of your communication process. Navigate your segue ways with a pause...silence is golden!

By eliminating so, um, and aaaa...you instantly enhance your credibility!

Think about the people who have inspired you. They most likely speak with confidence, conviction, and passion. It doesn't matter if you are talking about the culinary arts, fashion or cold fusion. If you have a strong flow of ideas that work in smooth syncopation you will be valued as an expert.

Practice:
You should take up every opportunity to practice your communication style. You will likely never see the person next to you on the plane again. 20 minutes after take off, strike up a conversation and practice your process.

You should take up every opportunity to speak publicly. Go to toast masters, enroll in a Dale Carnegie course or give your insight at a town hall meeting.

You should arrange a speech by the following process:
Introduction - paint a picture
Body - have bullet points in mind
Conclusion - deliver a moral

It is really important to practice before a speech but deadly to memorize a speech. Never memorize a speech word for word. Know your bullet point topics and talk around them. Think of a speech in terms of a PowerPoint presentation. Segue way from slide to slide with grace and speak to no more than 3 bullet points per slide (sub-topics).

Do not get caught up in detail. Do not get side traked by foot notes. Every audience is a novice to your Mind...allow them a peek without drowning them in your every thought development.

Pocket Guide:
1. Paint a picture (right away)
2. Be aware of your segue ways
3. Eliminate so, um and aaa
4. Deliver your ideas with syncopated passion
5. Rehearse but don't memorize

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave