What Sucks About Conferences

Memorial Day Weekend is the introduction to Summer....which can only mean one thing....It's Conference Time!!! That's right....the time when your company sends you off to an exotic location to spend 3 days in a conference hall learning about the latest industry best practices. You rub elbows with the experts, make a few new friends, acquire a ton of knowledge....and return home with a hangover and a foam Gieco Lizard for the kids!

I have the pleasure of spending my summer weekends as a 'vendor', presenter, and attendee of several conferences in various industries. My time and practice have helped me develop a rhythm for maximizing quality information intake.

There are 2 distinct types of presenters at conferences:
Those who genuinely wish to educate
Those who grandstand in a effort to push their products

I love attending sessions with dynamic speakers! Those who can keep an audience engaged for 45 minutes and leave them asking for more. These masters of public speaking are few and far between at conferences. Far too often we are subjected to 50 powerpoint slides of bland information hosted by a guy in a suit behind a podium saying ummm every fourth word. This sucks!

Another type of presentation that brings me displeasure is a 'vendor' that sponsors the conference who is afforded an opportunity to present. The session is titled "Strategic Finance Management" - you walk in and see a vendor logo presented prominently on the screen. They proceed to spend 45 minutes going through an introduction of their finance management software.....there is no strategy, no relevant information, and you spend the session trying to find the Geico booth on the exhibit hall map.

There are special events at conferences: Happy Hours, luncheons, dinners, and boat cruises. You want to go back to your hotel and sit at the bar for a half hour before getting some well needed rest but your boss told you that you have to network. You board a crowded bus, get to the Boat, and are bombarded by more 'vendors' handing out logo-ed cups and flashing logo necklaces. As you grab some food and seek an uncrowded place to enjoy your first meal of the day. Then you are joined by 6 young men in matching t-shirts. They proceed to spend the evening telling you about how great their products are and how much they want to work with your company. They give you their cards and take yours.....time to catch a cab back to the hotel!!!!!!!

Then there is the exhibit hall. Your boss has asked you to find an incentive planning partner...there are 46 of them exhibiting. They all look the same and they all have the same approach. Scan your badge, give you a logo-ed pen, and say they will have a salesman call you as soon as you get back home.

After visiting 46 companies that look exactly the same, having your lunch ruined by networking 101 bravado, sitting through a product pushing session, and collecting 923business cards; you finally get to the Geico booth....they are out of foam lizards....FUCK!

As you finally make it to the airport you find an empty bar stool. A nice gentleman pours you a beer and offers you a shot for only $1.00 more. You accept. The thought that crosses your mind as you reflect on the conference...

DO THEY THINK I'M STUPID?

I've been gorilla marketed to the point that I will have logo sponsored nightmares for months. I sat through sessions that push products without consideration of audience interest. I've given my cards to 100 gel heads that will spam me for months to come....and I didn't even get a goddamn lizard for the kids.

Department Managers: make no mistake about it, sending your Jr Associates to conferences is very motivating! They will do everything in their power to move up the ladder so they don't have to go to that conference again next year!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Exposure Point

I remember my 22nd Birthday, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself. The year before my friends had thrown me a massive bash and this year the day seemed to come and go. I went out to dinner with a few friends. We were joined by a person I hadn't met before. I explained to him my self-imposed birthday lull and that the day was no big deal. To which he replied, "nonsense, it's your birthday, let's have some fun". I was expecting him to join in my dismay but he flipped my ridiculous behavior into a reason to check myself. He was so quick and confident in his reply, as if he knew that this stranger was looking for a reason to mope, he wouldn't allow it. I instantly felt shameful for acting like such a wimp and honored the need to enjoy life.

This guy recognized my vulnerability and self doubt. He could have easily turned a cheek and let me wallow in pity. He knew I was capable of more, without even knowing me. This seemingly insignificant moment in time stuck with me. I appreciated the optimism and the validation. I was disappointed that I allowed myself to fall into the habit of weakness. Not because it's bad to expose vulnerability but because a birthday is not something to waste it on.

That's the trick! To know when your doubt is overwhelming your need for help. Exposing your humanity is much different than revealing your insecurity. We all need help but making uncertainty into a 'Daddy Complex' only depletes our existence.

I would ask you, dear readers, to be aware of the exposure point in others. To see in them their strength and to help them remember it.
Putting yourself out there always comes along with self doubt. The outgoing people have tried and been applauded more than they have been boo-ed. I would never blame anyone for giving up stand up comedy if they had been shamefully boo-ed off stage. I would understand the introverted nature of a person who had gathered the courage to give a speech only to be laughed at.

It is incumbent upon us as audience members to encourage the performers.

You will ask...."is it fair for me to tell someone they are good at something if they are not"?

Response: YES!

Let them have it. Allow them to build their confidence. Everyone discovers their own truth at some point. We don't need to tell them they can't before they have a chance to try.

Don't Forget to Remember!

- Dave

Being Human

Cast:
* A young lady at one of my favorite establishments has a problem. She is inelegant in her communication.
* A fellow I know is so linear in his thinking that he cannot seem to form a direct sentence.
* A guy who manages one of my favorite watering holes is constantly indirectly offending people.
* My friend is hyper-focused on his goals, but when he explains them, his intensity presents negativity.
* Every time I ask a co-worker for something, he explains to me why it's not his fault.

Do you struggle to find the right things to say?
Do you have trouble articulating your point with out footnoting every thought?
Do you lean on catch phrases to transition thought?

The mastery of Communication is the most difficult Human characteristic. There is no such thing as communication expertise. Public Speaking, Negotiation, and Conflict Resolution are all points of emphasis in Communication courses. You have to walk before you can run.

We often fail in pursuit of Elegant Communication because we concentrate on all the wrong things. If you give great speeches, but cannot hold a conversation, you are putting the cart before the horse!

Let's start from the beginning by remember a few very simple Human Interaction techniques:
Eliminate A, Um, So, and Ya Know
Stop framing your language
Be direct
Honor Silence

Ummm, Ummm, Ummm
It's conference season where we will listen to hundreds of well-intentioned speakers. The content is what draws us in, the delivery is what redirects us to the exit.

I make a practice of counting ummms. I once saw a man tally 520 umms in a 45 minute speech. True Story! Ummm is a verbalized thought segue way. Between thoughts it is natural to grasp for a thought stop gap. Keep it to yourself.

You can replace ummm with a tap of your foot or a second of silence between thoughts. Ummmm's happen in meetings, on conference calls, in speeches, in interviews, and while you are trying to pick up chicks. No matter how good your content....if you ummm you destroy your credibility.

At the end of the day.....
Here are a collection of uninventive phrases that serve as lazy thought transitions:
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Throw me under the bus

These phrases are usually used by people who are well rehearsed in their language delivery.....and that's not always a good thing. People lose interest in these fast talking techniques because they convey that you are trying to establish credibility without earning it....and that's never a good thing.

Slow down your delivery, listen and treat every conversation as a unique entity. If you replicate the same mission statement to everyone you meet, you will be consistently cast away as inauthentic. Your conversation should be rooted in thought and unique to each individual you engage.

Think in Bullet Point
I know a guy who is of superior intelligence. He can program network continuity that can make any system simple to use. The programming process is extremely detailed. His inherent programming traits work on computers but not on people. His conversation starts with a point in mind and trails off into mundane detail. Programming is about exploring all possible conclusions, conversation is not. In communication you have to make a choice, make a point, and allow it to resonate.

Golden Silence
I was in a meeting with a Young Lady a few days back. She was determined to impress us. She did not stop talking the entire meeting. She did not allow us to ask questions, give feedback or interact. It was a one way street to 'not hired'.

There seems to be a human condition to fill space...a feeling that all silence is uncomfortable. In fact, many people like to digest information and think through their response before opening their mouth. Of course, no one likes a dead beat and sometimes you have to carry a conversation. But, you are far better served listening than talking...that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth.

Mastering Communication is an ongoing process. No one is a perfect communicator. If you start by focusing on the simple things on a small stage you can hone your skills and up your game when the chips are down.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

A Quick Guide to Communication

I have the pleasure of serving the Dale Carnegie Training Institute as a Graduate Assistant. We help individuals develop their human relations skills through public speaking and interpersonal communication.



There are 3 distinct hurdles to communication:
So...
..um..
Aaa...

Introduction:
When introducing a topic it is best to set a scene as if you were a narrator. Paint a picture, tell a story.

Don't start a story or speech with "so...this way, like, 3 years ago...".

Bring us into your painting and walk us through it with graceful elegance.

Body:
The need to transition from one idea to another is part of giving a speech, presentation, or simply talking on a conference call. This is called a segue way. As your thought processing shifts you will naturally say "..um or ahh...".

It is extremely difficult to self-analyze your flow of communication. In Dale Carnegie's Presentation Skill Building, we video tape speakers and help them break down their process. It is understandably painful to watch.

Not everyone has a video camera but try to become aware of your communication process. Navigate your segue ways with a pause...silence is golden!

By eliminating so, um, and aaaa...you instantly enhance your credibility!

Think about the people who have inspired you. They most likely speak with confidence, conviction, and passion. It doesn't matter if you are talking about the culinary arts, fashion or cold fusion. If you have a strong flow of ideas that work in smooth syncopation you will be valued as an expert.

Practice:
You should take up every opportunity to practice your communication style. You will likely never see the person next to you on the plane again. 20 minutes after take off, strike up a conversation and practice your process.

You should take up every opportunity to speak publicly. Go to toast masters, enroll in a Dale Carnegie course or give your insight at a town hall meeting.

You should arrange a speech by the following process:
Introduction - paint a picture
Body - have bullet points in mind
Conclusion - deliver a moral

It is really important to practice before a speech but deadly to memorize a speech. Never memorize a speech word for word. Know your bullet point topics and talk around them. Think of a speech in terms of a PowerPoint presentation. Segue way from slide to slide with grace and speak to no more than 3 bullet points per slide (sub-topics).

Do not get caught up in detail. Do not get side traked by foot notes. Every audience is a novice to your Mind...allow them a peek without drowning them in your every thought development.

Pocket Guide:
1. Paint a picture (right away)
2. Be aware of your segue ways
3. Eliminate so, um and aaa
4. Deliver your ideas with syncopated passion
5. Rehearse but don't memorize

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

The Danger of Framed Language

In stand up comedy there is a technique called a segway - a phrase to transition from one topic to another. Segways are a huge part of personal and professional interaction as well. Segways in professional conversation are an art form and those who execute them well have the ability to provoke immediate trust through capability display. This is certainly a difficult skill set to master but my challenge to the readers of this blog is to eliminate framed language.

New Year's Resolution: Eliminate the following phrases from your Personal and Professional conversation:
* ...It is what it is
* At the end of the day...
*...throw him/her under the bus
* But...

When you throw pre-supposed, under thought, catch phrases into your conversation your audience immediately glazes over. The aforementioned phrases prevent the maximum impact of your message. Be authentic, be relevant, use language that is pertinent to each phrase in which you are living.

It is commonplace for us to frame an insult with a back handed compliment:
"That is was a really great point, but...."
- You just crushed all positive intent in your statement

Try: "That is a great point and it might further benefit you to...."

I struggle every day with these principles of conversation. I pause for 15 seconds at time trying not to mutter phrases that have been embedded in my psyche for years. We know when people are pre-programmed in their language and as smooth as their message may flow too many framed segway determine one certainty: this person is full of shit!

Try to eliminate catch phrases from your conversation with your friends and significant others....use a pause if necessary. Sooner or later you will find that the pre-supposed segways you lean on do not compliment the flow of your conversation but rather distract it.

Push yourself to be more authentic in your conversation and it will serve to benefit your life approach. If we try harder in our communication, the human barriers will break down and we will open ourselves to others with Genuine Intent.

Unzip Your Soul!

- Dave


References:
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