Get Grounded

I had a great little getaway to the coast with the family this weekend. I told a friend about it this morning and he said - "wow, I want to see pictures". I didn't have any. I almost felt defensive that my description of the Central California Coast did not quench his intrigue. His defacto response may have been a way to avoid conversation...if I had emailed him a photo album he could breeze through it and interpret for himself if he would ever visit. This is a sign of the times....send me something, I'll look it over, and we can discuss later if I see anything worth talking about.

He to whom I told of my vacation aside, the traveler himself can get caught up in a need for documentation. People tweet their activities from poolside in Hawaii, they compile unlimited photos to prove they had fun on the family vacation, they load the facebook page with visual proof that they are enjoying life....and you are not! Yes, it may be said that our need for documentation is not in memorial of a joyous time but justification of the money spent to put smiles on our faces.

Think about the greatest times in your life. Do you have pictures of them or are the memories permanently ingrained in your mind?

The immediacy of technology has destroyed our ability to enjoy ourselves! We take time away from our loved ones to put our head in our phone. We miss irreplaceable moments with our children because we are busy texting about them.

I would challenge that we need to get grounded!

We need to put away the handheld and participate in our life's memories. We need to get away from the lap top and truly enjoy a little time off. We need to stop taking vacations for the sake of visual content.

Three Bigger Questions:
Are you engaging in meaningful conversation?
Do you know how to craft a story?
Have you taken time to say I Love You?

It's Great to Hear Your Voice
How often do messages get misinterpreted via email or in social media forums. Words can be taken out of context, we say things hiding behind a computer that we wouldn't say to someone's face, our emotions get the best of us. Unfortunately, the Internet is written in ink. We can never take back what is documented.

We have gotten to the point that it is more convenient to email a customer and wait until tomorrow to address the real issue...that doesn't make it go away. When a co-worker has had a long day, it is very difficult to feel their troubles through a computer screen.

Good old conversation is the only way to ensure we are making communicative progress. It's never easy to confront the elephant in the room but elephant's eat the notes that you try to leave at their feet!

Story Telling
Peter Guber has received great accolades for his book Tell To Win. The general premise is that people have a better grasp for products and services when told to them in dramatic terms. I will always remember your presentation if you deliver it in the context of a personal experience that makes sense to me.

Drama aside, a lot of us simply have lost our ability to talk to people. After a day at the computer, we spew words at people without considering the setting in which our story takes place. Every day, I hear people talking to one another in insulting terms (even though they have good intentions).

Stop being defensive, stop pretending you know everything, and step out of your digital sanctuary.

I & Love & You
The Avett Brothers once proclaimed in song that the three words that are hardest to say are: I & Love & You! Ain't that the truth! Nowadays if we really need to tell someone we love them we can send them an email or write a cheesy facebook tribute. This way we get the emotion out of the way without truly having to engage in it.

As hard as it may be you need to hug your Mom, grab her by the cheeks, and tell her you love her! It might get weird for a minute but these are the things that genuinely matter!

The question that looms like a cheap chandelier:
Has Convenience Replaced All That Is Sacred?

Can we not visit the beach without taking a picture of the sunset. Can we not watch our children play without sharing the image with the world. Have we forgotten how to Love because it always requires editing?

Social Media rules! God bless Steve Jobs for giving us the I-phone! Thank goodness computers have helped us achieve more in less time!

More important than all of it, are the people we walk past every day....neglecting to say hi because we are texting them from across the room.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Being Human

Cast:
* A young lady at one of my favorite establishments has a problem. She is inelegant in her communication.
* A fellow I know is so linear in his thinking that he cannot seem to form a direct sentence.
* A guy who manages one of my favorite watering holes is constantly indirectly offending people.
* My friend is hyper-focused on his goals, but when he explains them, his intensity presents negativity.
* Every time I ask a co-worker for something, he explains to me why it's not his fault.

Do you struggle to find the right things to say?
Do you have trouble articulating your point with out footnoting every thought?
Do you lean on catch phrases to transition thought?

The mastery of Communication is the most difficult Human characteristic. There is no such thing as communication expertise. Public Speaking, Negotiation, and Conflict Resolution are all points of emphasis in Communication courses. You have to walk before you can run.

We often fail in pursuit of Elegant Communication because we concentrate on all the wrong things. If you give great speeches, but cannot hold a conversation, you are putting the cart before the horse!

Let's start from the beginning by remember a few very simple Human Interaction techniques:
Eliminate A, Um, So, and Ya Know
Stop framing your language
Be direct
Honor Silence

Ummm, Ummm, Ummm
It's conference season where we will listen to hundreds of well-intentioned speakers. The content is what draws us in, the delivery is what redirects us to the exit.

I make a practice of counting ummms. I once saw a man tally 520 umms in a 45 minute speech. True Story! Ummm is a verbalized thought segue way. Between thoughts it is natural to grasp for a thought stop gap. Keep it to yourself.

You can replace ummm with a tap of your foot or a second of silence between thoughts. Ummmm's happen in meetings, on conference calls, in speeches, in interviews, and while you are trying to pick up chicks. No matter how good your content....if you ummm you destroy your credibility.

At the end of the day.....
Here are a collection of uninventive phrases that serve as lazy thought transitions:
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Throw me under the bus

These phrases are usually used by people who are well rehearsed in their language delivery.....and that's not always a good thing. People lose interest in these fast talking techniques because they convey that you are trying to establish credibility without earning it....and that's never a good thing.

Slow down your delivery, listen and treat every conversation as a unique entity. If you replicate the same mission statement to everyone you meet, you will be consistently cast away as inauthentic. Your conversation should be rooted in thought and unique to each individual you engage.

Think in Bullet Point
I know a guy who is of superior intelligence. He can program network continuity that can make any system simple to use. The programming process is extremely detailed. His inherent programming traits work on computers but not on people. His conversation starts with a point in mind and trails off into mundane detail. Programming is about exploring all possible conclusions, conversation is not. In communication you have to make a choice, make a point, and allow it to resonate.

Golden Silence
I was in a meeting with a Young Lady a few days back. She was determined to impress us. She did not stop talking the entire meeting. She did not allow us to ask questions, give feedback or interact. It was a one way street to 'not hired'.

There seems to be a human condition to fill space...a feeling that all silence is uncomfortable. In fact, many people like to digest information and think through their response before opening their mouth. Of course, no one likes a dead beat and sometimes you have to carry a conversation. But, you are far better served listening than talking...that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth.

Mastering Communication is an ongoing process. No one is a perfect communicator. If you start by focusing on the simple things on a small stage you can hone your skills and up your game when the chips are down.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

A Quick Guide to Communication

I have the pleasure of serving the Dale Carnegie Training Institute as a Graduate Assistant. We help individuals develop their human relations skills through public speaking and interpersonal communication.



There are 3 distinct hurdles to communication:
So...
..um..
Aaa...

Introduction:
When introducing a topic it is best to set a scene as if you were a narrator. Paint a picture, tell a story.

Don't start a story or speech with "so...this way, like, 3 years ago...".

Bring us into your painting and walk us through it with graceful elegance.

Body:
The need to transition from one idea to another is part of giving a speech, presentation, or simply talking on a conference call. This is called a segue way. As your thought processing shifts you will naturally say "..um or ahh...".

It is extremely difficult to self-analyze your flow of communication. In Dale Carnegie's Presentation Skill Building, we video tape speakers and help them break down their process. It is understandably painful to watch.

Not everyone has a video camera but try to become aware of your communication process. Navigate your segue ways with a pause...silence is golden!

By eliminating so, um, and aaaa...you instantly enhance your credibility!

Think about the people who have inspired you. They most likely speak with confidence, conviction, and passion. It doesn't matter if you are talking about the culinary arts, fashion or cold fusion. If you have a strong flow of ideas that work in smooth syncopation you will be valued as an expert.

Practice:
You should take up every opportunity to practice your communication style. You will likely never see the person next to you on the plane again. 20 minutes after take off, strike up a conversation and practice your process.

You should take up every opportunity to speak publicly. Go to toast masters, enroll in a Dale Carnegie course or give your insight at a town hall meeting.

You should arrange a speech by the following process:
Introduction - paint a picture
Body - have bullet points in mind
Conclusion - deliver a moral

It is really important to practice before a speech but deadly to memorize a speech. Never memorize a speech word for word. Know your bullet point topics and talk around them. Think of a speech in terms of a PowerPoint presentation. Segue way from slide to slide with grace and speak to no more than 3 bullet points per slide (sub-topics).

Do not get caught up in detail. Do not get side traked by foot notes. Every audience is a novice to your Mind...allow them a peek without drowning them in your every thought development.

Pocket Guide:
1. Paint a picture (right away)
2. Be aware of your segue ways
3. Eliminate so, um and aaa
4. Deliver your ideas with syncopated passion
5. Rehearse but don't memorize

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave