Why I Love My Wife

It's the 150th edition of DFTR and it would only be fitting to dedicate it to my sweetie.

The 3rd Principle of Awesomeness is:
Ease Your Way In

My wife knows the elegance of this principle. When I met her she allowed me to be myself and was to me completely true to herself. She didn't try to be someone she was not and she did not overtly try to be the 'fun girl'. She eased her way in and allowed me time to get to know her.

We can learn a lot from those we love!

Do you pretend to be someone you are not?
Do you dress, act or adjust your tact to be 'professional'?
Is the person you present at work unlike your genuine self?

Last week we revealed a pretty simple secret:
The Pretenders are Always Discovered

Why is it that we think we have to put up a facade? I understand the aspects of professional demeanor...consider your audience, do your best to control your temper, channel your passion to the positive, and try to think objectively. Beyond that you are crossing a line from respectful to kiss ass...this creates a counter-effect.

Here are a couple tips that might assist you in being Genuine to Yourself:
* Don't Fold Your Hands and Smile
* Don't Tout Your Achievements
* Develop a Personal Connection
* Don't Try to Kiss an Alligator

Nose Wipe
A person's true character is revealed when they are talking to their constituent with the least amount of power. If you insult your underlings you are abusing power you do not possess!

Displaying behavior inauthentic to your true self is fatal to your character. Once you are identified as the guy/girl who is full of sh*t - you never get off that list.

If that shirt is uncomfortable - don't wear it!
If you don't respect someone - don't pretend you do!
Do what you are really good at - don't pretend to be good at what you are not!

I'm Still Here
We examined the 'look at me' syndrome last week. I cannot stress enough the importance of eliminating this bravado driven act of selfishness. You don't have to talk about your work before or after you perform it. Let the scoreboard speak for itself.

If you have worked hard...we will take notice. If you have tried and failed...we will forget. If you talk in the lobby bar about what you did right or wrong...you tarnish your effort!

It is better to keep your mouth shut and let the results exercise themselves than to add a soundtrack to the game. I understand this is easier said than done.

Allow it to come to you
Don't you think the CEO gets sick of having his/her ass kissed? It may stand to reason that they respect their children more than anyone they work with because the kids see through their presumed authoritative profile. Accordingly, Senior Leaders have an acute ability to smell BS from a mile away!

Here's a recommendation: Don't come up to the CEO after 4 vodka tonics and explain your 'plan' to her. Relax, be present and allow her to engage you in conversation. Odds are that by burying the front end bravado and treating them as your equal they will be immediately endeared to your character.

...which brings us to our next point
I was in a conference hall filled with 1,200 sales reps a minute before our release from conference to Happy Hour when our CEO told the group:
"...and to all of you young up-starts that are headed to the bar, if you remember anything let it be this:
If you try to kiss an alligator you will get your head bitten off".

That one stuck with me!

For some reason Senior Executives remember (and never forget) the little things. Ten thousand hours of hard work can be replaced by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Executives are so seldom down on 'our level' and that minute they see you taking a break may be the only thing they affiliate to your name. Unfair but very, very pertinent!

Great ideas with a Martini sidecar put you in the personal memory bank of 'glass ceiling polisher'.

So, after my to-be wife put up with me falling down the stairs on our first 5 dates. I decided to let her in. I would invite her to see my favorite musician perform. She accepted my invitation. She did not study the song book to sing along, she didn't even pretend to like the performer....when the lights went down and the curtain came up, she simply stepped aside and allowed me to be me!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

The Art of Being Selfless

How is it possible to be giving and self-motivated at the same time?

To support others while focusing on personal directives may categorically be competing ideologies. We strive to convince ourselves that there are two types of people in this world:

1. Those who focus, win, and allow no one to deter their forward motion
2. Those who are passive, ability free, and weak

Today we are going to explore how these seemingly competing ideologies may just be part of the same emotional package. I will do this by examining 3 simple principles:
* The will to win is an act of Love
* To compete only for validation is an act of insecurity
* Giving with the expectation of recognition is an act of cowardice

The Heart is on the Inside
You see the person who wins a football game and thanks God. His faith in himself being just as important. What drove him to win was the total confidence that he had in his ability and his willingness to recreate possible as it happened. His faith in god may have given him the extra inch but the other 10,000 inches came from preparation, self discipline, and creativity.

To win is not in effort to see others lose but rather an offering to lift them up. It is hard to be the best - everyone is always gunning for you while you have reached your highest point of potential. The great ones find an art in the game. They win for the sake of redefining themselves in an effort to create a different landscape; every day. Art is an act of creativity. Creativity is powered by the human condition of Love. Those who find new landscapes win and therefore; Winning is an Act of Love.

In order to be truly great, one must be ignorant of their competition not driven to best them.

Look At Me!!!!!!!!!
You can detect those who are full of sh*t pretty easily:
They talk too much
They consistently tout their achievements
They make an effort to point out their selfless nature

To speak without intent is to babble like a fool. There is never a need for explanation. People get hung up on re-iterating their greatness. They think that by consistently mentioning how awesome they are, we are going to have an Epiphany, and bow to their excellence. Don't flatter yourself and don't insult our intelligence.

The big mouths only act so because they want to beat you to the punch. They would not dare sit down and reveal themselves...they need to be represented by the bravado of their self marketing. They are not shouting for joy, they are crying for help.

No Reciept Necessary
No one ever sees the richest people in the world. Those who are truly charitable send an envelope, they don't require a red carpet. People who are genuinely dedicated to helping in the workplace do not need anything in return for evolving others: they do it because they care about their company and it's legacy.

Halls of Corporations are filled with so-called do-gooders who mask their goals for personal development in the positioning of helping others.

The test is simple: if you wait to pick up that piece of paper in the hall until the boss walks by you are masking your selfishness in pseudo-community service. If you have to have 4 vodka tonics before voicing your professional opinion, your thoughts will never be respected.

It's OK to care and show that you do. It's OK to shelf the facade and speak your mind. You have to help those around you without expecting a pat on the back.

No deed goes unnoticed and the pretenders are always exposed!!!!!!! Trust me on that one!

You need to validate those that are busting their tail for the sake of contributing to the success of your organization (and expect nothing in return). The moment you pull your hand back and put your head down, everything you were grabbing for will come to you. Helping others is the only way to help yourself. Do unto others without worrying about how it will advance you!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave