Still Thankful?

Well Friends - Thanksgiving has come and gone. Football played, turkey devoured, adult beverages consumed. A week's preparation for a week's clean up. This year I had the pleasure of uniting three generations of Kovacovich's in the beautiful ocean side location of Carmel by the Sea (in California). Between trips to the beach with 11 of the worlds greatest people, I fired up the Twitter back-channel. It was run amok with glad tidings from one cyber friend to another. There were blog posts, hashtags and charitable splash pages....all messages of thanks from one human to another for a year well served.

...on Friday, it was gone!

#thankful was replaced by #blackfriday. Stories of families breaking bread were replaced with pepper spray melees at the local Walmart. Thanks had given way to disagreements again. The spirit of the holiday faded quickly. Today, people are boarding their cars with furrowed brows hesitant to open their over-crowded inboxes. Have we reduced ourselves to one day a year to say Thank You?

We will spend the next few months rushing through stores buying things for people. A way to express our gratitude. "I spent money on you, so I must care"! Office desks will be crowded with wine we won't drink and chocolates that will weigh us down. We spend, consume, and pretend to care; in hopes that it might serve our personal gain.

My friend Pete shared a story of his need for brain surgery this last weekend. My friend Ralph lost his battle to cancer just a week before Thanksgiving. These are real stories that are happening to us every day. I am not willing to believe that we have lost our ability to make human connections at work. We cannot
ignore vulnerability in our co-workers for fear it will create more work.

Are you creating memorable experiences? Are you fostering meaningful relationships? Do you possess the ability to make others feel special?

Yes! You Do!

People need help....and YOU are going to help them. Here's how:
Lead by example
Be a good listener
Put dedicated thought into your Thank You's

If not you, then who?
Sometimes our advice to others is met with reluctance. We feel that we will offer words of encouragement and they will be rejected. What's the use?

People are more willing to accept advising from those who practice what they preach.
Take care of yourself....exercise, eat right and disengage in harmful habits.
Work hard....show up early, work late and be responsive.
Have a plan....short and long term planning allows for clarity of purpose and a fall back plan.

Two ears and one mouth
No one has an answer for everything. If they do, they are simply playing semantics. No one enjoys talking to someone who has a retort to every word spoken. We need to learn to listen more than we talk. We need to be able to take in information and give relevant feedback. Sometimes people just need to get things off their chest. Sometimes people need to be told in direct terms that their actions are inelegant.

Put away the cookie cutters
Now that Thanksgiving is over, you can put away the cookie cutters. It is the time of year when holiday cards come pouring in: Do you have better appreciation for a hand written note or a mass produced stock message? Cookie cutter thank you's serve the direct opposite purpose of their intended gratitude.

The greatest moments you will experience at work will have one thing in common: a lot of thought was put in to creating a meaningful experience. The best gifts you have received have been profoundly meaningful to you because someone took time to know you, researched, and made extra effort to give you something that was irreplaceable. This needs to be part of our every day!

We need to put thought into the experiences we create for our co-workers. Our co-workers need to become our friends.

It Can Happen!

If you put thought and extra effort into everything you do for others you will be looked upon favorably. When people respect you they will always listen to your advice. We will all grow together!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Life's Unfair Balance

There is a lot of doom and gloom these days....struggling economy, protests, political muck raking, less than entertaining sporting events, over priced nights on the town. It seems the work day requires us to do more with less and when we try to break free our bank accounts are emptied. Not exactly a fair way of living: bust your butt, earn a few bucks and spend them all releasing stress....a steep price to pay for a headache.

If we are able to admit we may have to work harder than ever to earn less (and be OK with that) we might be on to something revolutionary! Life isn't fair, times are tough, and our only certainties are death and taxes. The landscape may not change any time soon. So you can sit at the bottom of the hill and cry or you can strap your boots on and start climbing the mountain.

With every task there is another, there are thousands waiting to fill your job, and you feel tied to the whipping post. The choice is pretty simple: get busy living, or get busy dying. Your Perception and your Attitude navigate your destiny.

In this time of uncertainty the following things remain indiscernibly true:
Hard Work Pays Off!
The 5 Best Words in the Human Language
Take a Breath

An Inarguable Truth
We are all looking for that idea, stock option, or widget that will catapult our wealth. There is only one sure answer: Hard Work! No matter what you do, if you grind it out for long hard hours, you will succeed! You can always work harder, you can always do more, your true potential is almost impossible to realize. It may take a month or a year or five years....but if you stick to it with unflappable determination: You Will Win!

Things that are out of your control may derail your progress. Someone may play dirty to take that promotion you wanted. There will be times when you trust the wrong person. Sometimes you take a chance and fail. Allow nothing to discourage you! If you keep working hard, success is eminent!

5 Words We All Want to Hear
I once worked for a person who saw my truest potential and pushed me every day to discover it. She liked me immensely but she would never let me know it. She felt responsible for my success and she would not allow me to under perform for even one day. When I finished at the top of the revenue report she met me at the bar at our awards banquet, put her hand on my shoulder and said....

I Am Proud Of You!

...I nearly cried. Those 5 words made 365 days of total effort completely worth it. Some employees want more money, others want gifts or travel vouchers, and there are those who like trophies. But, everyone wants to be told they have honored their post with the fullest of integrity!

Who Cares
I am a hyper-focused professional. I take advantage of every opportunity to improve and I take my work personally. Those who do less than I, and pass judgement, make me insane!

I once asked a really good friend (professional musician) to hear me out on an interpersonal struggle I was having at work. I explained the situation to her and she replied:
Who Cares.........!!!!!

Usually that reply would drive me nuts but in this case it made perfect sense. I was so focused on the mundane detail of a completely irrelevant point that I lost my focus of what was important. It was a shocking revelation. We often fret over things that are completely meaningless. In fact, most of the things that cause stress do nothing more than distract us from our actual goal. Sometimes you have to take a breath, blow it off and move on!

Week in and week out we learn that we often neglect what is important. We lose time with our children because we are pre-occupied trying to please someone at work. We are distracted at dinner with a loved one because our head is in our BlackBerry. We forget to tell Mom we love her...and then she is gone!

Time is fleeting, use it wisely! Nothing is too important!

Don't Forget to Remember!

- Dave

Get Grounded

I had a great little getaway to the coast with the family this weekend. I told a friend about it this morning and he said - "wow, I want to see pictures". I didn't have any. I almost felt defensive that my description of the Central California Coast did not quench his intrigue. His defacto response may have been a way to avoid conversation...if I had emailed him a photo album he could breeze through it and interpret for himself if he would ever visit. This is a sign of the times....send me something, I'll look it over, and we can discuss later if I see anything worth talking about.

He to whom I told of my vacation aside, the traveler himself can get caught up in a need for documentation. People tweet their activities from poolside in Hawaii, they compile unlimited photos to prove they had fun on the family vacation, they load the facebook page with visual proof that they are enjoying life....and you are not! Yes, it may be said that our need for documentation is not in memorial of a joyous time but justification of the money spent to put smiles on our faces.

Think about the greatest times in your life. Do you have pictures of them or are the memories permanently ingrained in your mind?

The immediacy of technology has destroyed our ability to enjoy ourselves! We take time away from our loved ones to put our head in our phone. We miss irreplaceable moments with our children because we are busy texting about them.

I would challenge that we need to get grounded!

We need to put away the handheld and participate in our life's memories. We need to get away from the lap top and truly enjoy a little time off. We need to stop taking vacations for the sake of visual content.

Three Bigger Questions:
Are you engaging in meaningful conversation?
Do you know how to craft a story?
Have you taken time to say I Love You?

It's Great to Hear Your Voice
How often do messages get misinterpreted via email or in social media forums. Words can be taken out of context, we say things hiding behind a computer that we wouldn't say to someone's face, our emotions get the best of us. Unfortunately, the Internet is written in ink. We can never take back what is documented.

We have gotten to the point that it is more convenient to email a customer and wait until tomorrow to address the real issue...that doesn't make it go away. When a co-worker has had a long day, it is very difficult to feel their troubles through a computer screen.

Good old conversation is the only way to ensure we are making communicative progress. It's never easy to confront the elephant in the room but elephant's eat the notes that you try to leave at their feet!

Story Telling
Peter Guber has received great accolades for his book Tell To Win. The general premise is that people have a better grasp for products and services when told to them in dramatic terms. I will always remember your presentation if you deliver it in the context of a personal experience that makes sense to me.

Drama aside, a lot of us simply have lost our ability to talk to people. After a day at the computer, we spew words at people without considering the setting in which our story takes place. Every day, I hear people talking to one another in insulting terms (even though they have good intentions).

Stop being defensive, stop pretending you know everything, and step out of your digital sanctuary.

I & Love & You
The Avett Brothers once proclaimed in song that the three words that are hardest to say are: I & Love & You! Ain't that the truth! Nowadays if we really need to tell someone we love them we can send them an email or write a cheesy facebook tribute. This way we get the emotion out of the way without truly having to engage in it.

As hard as it may be you need to hug your Mom, grab her by the cheeks, and tell her you love her! It might get weird for a minute but these are the things that genuinely matter!

The question that looms like a cheap chandelier:
Has Convenience Replaced All That Is Sacred?

Can we not visit the beach without taking a picture of the sunset. Can we not watch our children play without sharing the image with the world. Have we forgotten how to Love because it always requires editing?

Social Media rules! God bless Steve Jobs for giving us the I-phone! Thank goodness computers have helped us achieve more in less time!

More important than all of it, are the people we walk past every day....neglecting to say hi because we are texting them from across the room.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Be YOU

Business is unpredictable! But, there is one discernible fact that seems to always ring true:
If you act out of character, it will catch up with you!

People are commonly good natured. We all want to work harder, do a little bit more, make that sale, get that promotion. In our quest to go above and beyond the call of duty we sometimes cross the line. We take a chance...fairly sure it will work out...then it catches up with us.

Integrity is a core value of most every company....it's also an overused and misrepresented term! We hope to be looked upon as honorable employees but we don't covet our employees in the way we do our children....it is unfair to think we would. Integrity is a bold word, honesty might better characterize a general work expectation.

Sales people are commonly put in the 'slick talker' category. Sell something out of the box and leave it to your team to fix it (while you make all the money). I wish I could say the characterization was unfair but it certainly leaves room for differentiation.

What if you could double your sales by simply being honest. By having conversations with people instead of force feeding an audience 100 PowerPoint slides. If you could talk in sensible terms about a need, a solution, and their viability...? Sounds too easy? The thing is that we make it too hard.

You feel your stomach turning on Sunday night, "what awaits me in my office inbox". You stay up at night pondering when this big project will ever end or if it will be completed correctly. You sweat in your suit before an interview.

It doesn't have to be so hard.

I was once asked if I had trouble firing people. I answered, "NO". If you are honest with people they know whether their effort is measuring up or if their skill set matches their position. If we try to be something we are not, we act out of character, and our legacy is tarnished.

I have struggled in the past trying to be someone I am not. You would be surprised how easy it is to let go of that job, promotion track, or big sale if you are honest with yourself.

It's work. It can be a lot of fun if you understand what you do well and act accordingly.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Follow

What makes a great Leader? We often think of the traits of strong personality, public speaking prominence, and convicted commitment. Vocal, Prominent, Confident, and Ever Present.

Can it be said, however, that those who are truly admirable do not need to be in the public eye?

The question we pose today: What if You Didn't Need to be Validated?

Is our need to step out in front of a group and gather applause a characteristic of confidence or insecurity?

It is evident that Leadership is sorely lacking in today's professional world. I equate this to the fact that the task of Management has overwhelmed the Vision of Leadership. In many organizations the true visionaries choose to stay in individual contributor roles, start their own companies, or leave for different opportunities. In reality, those who are passionate in their conviction are just not willing to 'play the game'. Office politics, meetings about meetings, and the need to restrain genuine thought are management traits that tend to appal true leaders. So, the defacto Managers accept leadership roles as the 'safe bet' and the truly inspired become uninspired.

How Can We Take the Power Back?
* Create your own job description
* Recreate yourself every day
* Ignore the unimportant

The Goals of Self
Reports are homework to document effort. They are also meaningless. The need for metrics to prove professional existence makes people...numbers.

Developing the ability to find personal significance in each task is mastery of your professional existence. You don't need to quit your job. You need to understand what every task means to you, how you can adjust each chore to your vision, and to prioritize accordingly.

Ask Yourself:
1. Who Am I
2. Who Do I Want To Be?
3. What Does This Mean to the Rest of the World?

Stagnation is Damnation
When you stop moving forward, you start falling back. This doesn't mean you have to leap into every mundane task. It means you should recommit and adjust your vision every day. The best way to embrace change is to create it for yourself.

Ask yourself:
Is it better to master one thing or experience many things?

The Best Advice...
From time to time, I get caught up in the unimportant. I let personality differences get in the way of larger goals, I get hung up on passing comments, or mundane detail derails genuine intent.

I once asked my boss...how do you stay level headed in the midst of all these personality clashes?

He said: I ignore them!

Have we come to accept less because we expect less? Are we victims of circumstance? Are we products of our environment? Is our energy wasted on other people's goals?

Kick the peddles out of you way and climb mountains!

Life is far too short to get hung up in the mundane defacto chores of personal validation.

You Are Great Because You Know You Are Great!

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"
- Albert Einstein

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Being Human

Cast:
* A young lady at one of my favorite establishments has a problem. She is inelegant in her communication.
* A fellow I know is so linear in his thinking that he cannot seem to form a direct sentence.
* A guy who manages one of my favorite watering holes is constantly indirectly offending people.
* My friend is hyper-focused on his goals, but when he explains them, his intensity presents negativity.
* Every time I ask a co-worker for something, he explains to me why it's not his fault.

Do you struggle to find the right things to say?
Do you have trouble articulating your point with out footnoting every thought?
Do you lean on catch phrases to transition thought?

The mastery of Communication is the most difficult Human characteristic. There is no such thing as communication expertise. Public Speaking, Negotiation, and Conflict Resolution are all points of emphasis in Communication courses. You have to walk before you can run.

We often fail in pursuit of Elegant Communication because we concentrate on all the wrong things. If you give great speeches, but cannot hold a conversation, you are putting the cart before the horse!

Let's start from the beginning by remember a few very simple Human Interaction techniques:
Eliminate A, Um, So, and Ya Know
Stop framing your language
Be direct
Honor Silence

Ummm, Ummm, Ummm
It's conference season where we will listen to hundreds of well-intentioned speakers. The content is what draws us in, the delivery is what redirects us to the exit.

I make a practice of counting ummms. I once saw a man tally 520 umms in a 45 minute speech. True Story! Ummm is a verbalized thought segue way. Between thoughts it is natural to grasp for a thought stop gap. Keep it to yourself.

You can replace ummm with a tap of your foot or a second of silence between thoughts. Ummmm's happen in meetings, on conference calls, in speeches, in interviews, and while you are trying to pick up chicks. No matter how good your content....if you ummm you destroy your credibility.

At the end of the day.....
Here are a collection of uninventive phrases that serve as lazy thought transitions:
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Throw me under the bus

These phrases are usually used by people who are well rehearsed in their language delivery.....and that's not always a good thing. People lose interest in these fast talking techniques because they convey that you are trying to establish credibility without earning it....and that's never a good thing.

Slow down your delivery, listen and treat every conversation as a unique entity. If you replicate the same mission statement to everyone you meet, you will be consistently cast away as inauthentic. Your conversation should be rooted in thought and unique to each individual you engage.

Think in Bullet Point
I know a guy who is of superior intelligence. He can program network continuity that can make any system simple to use. The programming process is extremely detailed. His inherent programming traits work on computers but not on people. His conversation starts with a point in mind and trails off into mundane detail. Programming is about exploring all possible conclusions, conversation is not. In communication you have to make a choice, make a point, and allow it to resonate.

Golden Silence
I was in a meeting with a Young Lady a few days back. She was determined to impress us. She did not stop talking the entire meeting. She did not allow us to ask questions, give feedback or interact. It was a one way street to 'not hired'.

There seems to be a human condition to fill space...a feeling that all silence is uncomfortable. In fact, many people like to digest information and think through their response before opening their mouth. Of course, no one likes a dead beat and sometimes you have to carry a conversation. But, you are far better served listening than talking...that's why God gave you two ears and one mouth.

Mastering Communication is an ongoing process. No one is a perfect communicator. If you start by focusing on the simple things on a small stage you can hone your skills and up your game when the chips are down.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

"it"

Have you ever heard someone say, "she really has that 'it' factor". The flip side is what people say when they've given up on your issue comprehension, "you just don't get it".

My question: how is it that two little letters can encompass so much? I am all for brevity but it seems reducing awesomeness (or lack there of) down to two letters is a cop out.

So let's explore what we know about "it":
* You either possess the "it" factor or
* You don't get "it"

The Extraordinary Comprehension of Human Interaction
I believe the "it" factor is better described in the above verbiage. There are people that are just really good at understanding people. They know how humans react in certain situations. They can read their partners and opponents and can anticipate their next action. This assists them in pacifying or combating by thinking one step ahead.

...that's better....

I Can't Teach You
I consider myself one who can always give constructive feedback...it is not always what people want to hear. Most often, I can assist people in pondering what they didn't consider in the trenches of the dilemma's detail. There comes the occasional constituent that has a retort for everything. To these folks I am compelled to say, "if you know everything why would you ask for my input".

There is nothing more helpless than having to give up on someone. But, I don't think I've ever disrespected someone enough to tell them they don't get "it".

Get Over "it":
In a few short paragraphs we have learned that the framing of language into a two letter package is merely a conversation diffuser. We use the term "it" to either put a gold star on someone and dismiss them (or to simply dismiss them). Either way...a cop out.

We all have life changing advice to give. We avoid the discomfort of giving advice because we have crutch phrases to lean on. There are so few extraordinary Mentors in this world. We care not to jump over the fence of mediocrity because we fear we might scrape our butt in the process.

Let's End "it":
Try harder to articulate a unique message than to fall back on simple bookend phrases.

Next to you segue way to a point's conclusion by saying 'at the end of the day'; catch yourself. Try to find a term relevant to the conversation. Emphasize your point instead of discrediting your social grace.

"it" is two letters that are short for: I Don't Care About You!

You can do better than that (or should I say "it")!

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

Hogwash

Sitting at a conference last week the person next to me turned and said, "why would we care about this?". She didn't know me but she was aware that I could have cared less about the subject matter. The real issue lies in the fact that the speaker failed to recognize what everyone else felt apparent.

Every great Quarterback knows how to read the defense and to call an audible where necessary. As a speaker, presenter, salesperson or conversationalist you have to adapt. Read your audience and adjust your message accordingly.

I have a few confidants that assist in my development as a professional. They do not work for me or with me but we face similar challenges. Our conversations often drift from standardized sales process to human theory. We discover that as we mature as human beings our process becomes less important than our intent. We discover that it is less important to know your product and more important to know your audience...and to differentiate a solution accordingly.

Here are the Keys to Differentiation:
Listen
Apply by Situation
Tell a Story

Two Ears & One Mouth
I used to think that possessing the 'gift of gab' was the key to being an admirable professional...I could not have been more wrong! If you walk into an office dressed sharp, pull up a fancy PowerPoint and start laser pointing your outstanding features the reaction of your audience will be two fold:
The precept that you are insanely self-centered
The Charlie Brown Teacher Scenario

I use every introduction to a person as an opportunity to learn as much about them as possible. Ask 20 questions, retain 3 or 4 key facts and work them into your next conversation. Likewise, with a prospective customer, listen to their pain points and articulate your solution to them in a meaningful follow up conversation.

Just for YOU
People are startled when you meet with them a month later and recite things they have mentioned..."you have a great memory", they may say. If you site an entry from this blog in conversation with me you can guarantee my attention.

People exist to have their thoughts validated and addressed. Take in as much information as possible before your propose what you can do for someone.

Expertise is a silly myth. A book cannot tell me what you face in your corporate environment. You have to know the applicable nature of your products and services, the according scalability and how to uniquely apply a prescription for the pain.

Story Telling
We have a customer who we assisted in a similar situation...
I just read a piece that mentioned a similar conundrum...
I walked into an office just last week....

We are 5 times more likely to remember a solution when framed in a real life situation. Get good at story telling.

The way to convey confidence is to address people in direct terms by showing you have listened to them. Hogwash only matters if you are bathing pigs. Your ability to be a skilled professional lies in your ability to convey your human understanding.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave

The Danger of Framed Language

In stand up comedy there is a technique called a segway - a phrase to transition from one topic to another. Segways are a huge part of personal and professional interaction as well. Segways in professional conversation are an art form and those who execute them well have the ability to provoke immediate trust through capability display. This is certainly a difficult skill set to master but my challenge to the readers of this blog is to eliminate framed language.

New Year's Resolution: Eliminate the following phrases from your Personal and Professional conversation:
* ...It is what it is
* At the end of the day...
*...throw him/her under the bus
* But...

When you throw pre-supposed, under thought, catch phrases into your conversation your audience immediately glazes over. The aforementioned phrases prevent the maximum impact of your message. Be authentic, be relevant, use language that is pertinent to each phrase in which you are living.

It is commonplace for us to frame an insult with a back handed compliment:
"That is was a really great point, but...."
- You just crushed all positive intent in your statement

Try: "That is a great point and it might further benefit you to...."

I struggle every day with these principles of conversation. I pause for 15 seconds at time trying not to mutter phrases that have been embedded in my psyche for years. We know when people are pre-programmed in their language and as smooth as their message may flow too many framed segway determine one certainty: this person is full of shit!

Try to eliminate catch phrases from your conversation with your friends and significant others....use a pause if necessary. Sooner or later you will find that the pre-supposed segways you lean on do not compliment the flow of your conversation but rather distract it.

Push yourself to be more authentic in your conversation and it will serve to benefit your life approach. If we try harder in our communication, the human barriers will break down and we will open ourselves to others with Genuine Intent.

Unzip Your Soul!

- Dave


References:
http://twitter.com/davidkovacovich
www.linkedin.com/in/davidkovacovich

Redefining Innovation

i-phones, touch screens, the latest in social networking tools, handheld personal identifiers. What comes next and how do we keep up? How can we gain knowledge to endure, adapt and stay on the cutting edge...?

It is a simple fact that we all enjoy knowing things others don't. So the quest to have the new thing before anyone else and the empowerment of fresh product knowledge has come to define innovation. I, however, define innovation with a fresh perspective and a meaningful way of sharing it. It really is not contingent on a widget so much as a perspective.

How fresh is your perspective?

A few things to ponder:
* People are more important than products
* A widget means nothing if you fail to understand it's differentiating capacity
* To find new perspectives one must stretch his/her mind beyond systematic function

So here are a few tips that might help gain a fresh perspective:

* Conceptualize a new idea and gather input from others to better qualify your vision

* Speak to people in a humanly empathetic manner

* Be Nice



7 Steps to Innovation Sensation:
1. Think of something new; every day
2. Ask people what they think about it
3. Formulate a Vision
4. Be Empathetic in your Communication
5. Be Nice
6. Learn
7. Start Over Tomorrow


* Note: There is no device, machine, copy write or certification that is perfectly necessary to achieve the aforementioned.

Might it be said that innovation is not so much about moving forward with blinders on but finding new ways to engage others....in this case the cutting edge (or long forgotten) methodology of being friendly in your human interactions.

Go now and change the world by making it a better place!

Don't Forget to Remember!


- Dave


References:
http://twitter.com/davidkovacovich
www.linkedin.com/in/davidkovacovich