It's Your Fault

What Makes You Unhappy?

You dislike your job, your boss is disconnected, your spouse is a pain in the ass, your children misbehave, you have that friend who is a hot mess, your customers are too demanding, you and Jesus don't talk no more, people get in the way... it's all pretty messy. There are plenty of things about which to complain.

You have to pick your battles wisely and certain things are out of your control.

Beware: the things that you complain about are a result of your own choices. You chose the job you have, you chose your spouse, you chose to live where you do and the friends who you keep. There are things that have been put upon you... the boss you hate who took over for the boss you loved, the spouse who you used to love who became miserable to be around, the kids who used to think you were Superman who now think you are The Joker.

We complain because life is unfair. We humans are complex little things and we cannot avoid one another.

Are there really certain things we cannot control? Do we have to avoid confronting that which we feel to be a waste of our precious time?

Our life's conclusions are the result of the choices we make.

While I always encourage people not to be too hard on themselves, it is only YOU who can be blamed or rewarded for your current lot in life.

It's Your Fault
There was a time in my life when I was a miserable person. I complained all day long. I thought I was a charming narcissist, but I was a hopeless defeatist. Somehow I became self-aware enough to make a change.

Still to this day, I have a tendency to become that miserable person I used to be. Often, people will tell me I'm being an ass. Mostly, these are people who love me. There are thousands of people who do not voice their discontent with our negativity... they walk off in the other direction and we never see them again. We lose opportunities for business partnerships, professional advancement, and even love. Lost opportunities are the result of our self-defeating actions.

Do Something About It
A common practice I implement in training courses is to list all of the things that suck about our work. We build a list and then determine what we can do about it. I have never found a complaint that could not be turned into an action item (and ultimately fixed).

Complaining is an act of cowardice. We look at our poor choices in hindsight, regret them, and look for someone upon whom to pass the blame.

Stop Putting Off Change
You hate your job...quit! You hate your husband...divorce him! You hate your friends...unfriend them! How much time and opportunity do we waste putting off taking ownership of our lives? Change takes energy and may not yield results. Change is also a voluntary act.

I can provide this reassurance: If something is keeping you up at night, wake up and take action. Even if you do not come up with a solution, trying to fix things is an astoundingly reassuring act of building self confidence.

...I can also assure you that complaining has never solved a problem...

Don't Forget to Remember!

Dave